Reflections on the last day of teenage life.

 This morning, my eyes opened, the wind rustling through the maple tree outside my bedroom window and the thought came, today's it, the last day of teenage life.  Wow.  I know it may not be a big deal, but I want to pause for a moment, before the rush and being in my 20s is a normal thought to me.  Right now, that seems impossible, I won't be a teen -ever again? Weird. Then somewhere, somehow, in some sense, I feel as if I've been 30-years-old for a year...

Regardless, God's goodness and grace He has paraded in front of my face in the last seven years as a teen has changed who I am. I recall the good times with friends and family and I want them back; but on the other hand, I'm *so* glad that things like algebra class, the panic of driving a car on the interstate, and my distain for mushrooms are in the past... Growing up has its perks. ;)

I can't help but be in awe of my Abba God for redeeming time as hours turn into days, and days to years, and years to whole decades of grace-swelling life.

The memories are so numerous they are as the multitude of green leaves on the tossing branches on the mature maple tree outside my window.  I want to be able to remember, and to write about each of the individual unique leaves, but alas, they are swimming through the wind-and the memories-too , they swirl in the wind of my mind the same.  I'll sit here long enough to grab just a few of them and hold them up in the light for a second. 

1.  God has a way of using -what may be in my mind- "un-ideal" circumstances to change my thinking, and to draw my heart toward Him. Time and time again, He has used the silliest of things like -huge crushes and my relctance to clean the house- to remind me that this life I live isn't about me, and to love, depend, and trust Him.  He's big and He's got this world in his hands, truly.  He "clothes my faith with certainty."

2.  Mismatch dress up themed parties are always a good idea.  Purposefully looking like a dork for a while is just a blast. I hope to never grow too creaky and crotchety to enjoy making a laughable fool of myself every once in a while.  I sure did enjoy it in my teens, every so often my friend and I were sure my true hair color was blonde.  Oh well!

3.  Music changes things. There have been several times that God has met me in a special way through the words of praise or prayer in a song throughout the last year especially.  One that was very real to me was during worship in Herrnhut Germany.  God reminded me that He is the true and better everything.

And then, this morning, at Candeo God moved me again through a song.

Let me give you a bit of background: You see, I abhor talking about me and my clue-less-ness of where I'm "supposed to be," or even where I think I want to be in life all the time. 

Last week I had a plethora of life changing thoughts, calls, and meetings.  I've been interviewed for a job that may or may not go through in Minnesota, I've talked to a possible landlady in Colorado Springs, and set up a admissions meeting at UNI for the end of next week.

I don't want to sound over dramatic, but I feel a little like my life is completely up in the air.  And to be honest, I'm SO excited to get started on school and work again, but at the same time I've been kinda terrified.  Cause, seriously, I don't know what or where the school and work are.

I have dreams, but all I can do is quietly give them to God at this moment.  I'm living the very essence of life in the hallway, the in-between, the storm of the unknown foggy future.  But oh my soul, remember, only the immediate future is unknown.  That's grace, that we as believers are able to know that the eternal fuuuuuture is sure.  My God has saved me, and will use me to bring Him glory. Why do I forget His Words about today, this moment of unknown?

"And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus."
Phil. 4:19

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."
Rom. 8:28

"But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."
Matt. 6:33

"For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Rom. 8:38-39

The gathered church sang these lyrics loud and strong this morning- as I croaked the words out- because, life in the hallway pinches my stomach a bit sometimes, but God's goodness even in the very second beemed brightly through my thoughts. 

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

Yet again, my heart has been reminded afresh that God IS honestly faithful to His children.  He has NEVER failed me, and just because these meetings and decisions are bigger than normal (it seems to me), doesn't mean He won't be with me while I make them. 

If you would pray with me that God would be glorified in the direction that I chose sometime very soon, I would really ap
preciate it.

Thanks for sticking with me friends, through the past 7+ years.  I thank God today for how He has brought us together in the past, and look forward how He will work in our next 10 years. May they be years that see us grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Looking back. Looking forward. See life-sustaining grace. Giving thanks. That's what this day has been marked by so far.  Glad to have had time to reflect on life as a teen, and the memories made, and how God is consistent to remind me of truth.  I'm confident God has this life, He has this week, no matter what happens in it and beyond: You are my God, I trust You.

Daddy

Father's Day 2014 brings a new and greater appreciation for the caring Daddy that God gifted me with.  As I began mulling over what to write at the beginning of this week, all I could think of were cliche phrases at best-a phrase such as "Best Dad in the World."  I wanted to depict that to me-without going all adjective crazy on you- he is a wonderful dad, and that I'm thankful for him.

I'm writing a feeble, night-turned-morning-on-Father's-Day account of seven quickly unearthed snapshots of events -that were so normal and taken for granted as a girl, but so life-giving and valuable to me now-because I see these moments, some I still experience even today as pathways to thanksgiving to God!

1. Sky Aware.

He likes flying, sunsets, and the moon.  Daddy is constantly looking skyward at the slightest chop of a helicopter, the low rumble of a 747, or stellar heavenly handiwork displayed by evening light.  This "Ah! Cool! There's a massive rumbling sound in the air!!!" thought sticks with me through everyday. :)  As I sit at the park with Amanda and the kids, and I hear a plane I can't help but scan the blue atmosphere for an airplane-even if the planes are flying overhead at the rate of 1 per 4 minutes-and I like it.

2. Trails.

Daddy and Momma biking down the trails of the Cedar Valley with Anna and I in tow, is a memory that is pleasant to recall.  Anna and I always had a time of keeping up with our two bicycle-loving, fit parents.  I think the longest bike ride I  took before I was 12 was near Lanesboro Minnesota, and it was about 25-26 miles long.  Sometimes it was really great to be biking, and sometimes Anna and I would have thought to skip it; but now I appreciate it as great family-time fun.

3. Time Telling, Lefts and Rights, and Money.

Today, daddy was just "drilling" Asher about which hand was his left, and which was his right, and Asher passed the drill with flying colors at three years old (smartypants).  There were many kitchen-side drills similar to the one I witnessed a few hours ago.  "Raise your left hand, point to your right ear. . ."  I needed the practice with "left" and "right," and Anna needed the practice with her "face-telling-time," and you've taught both of us through the year about money.   Thanks for practicing these basics with us, without laughing at us, I don't know if I could have done it! :o)

4. The Treasure Tree. 

This is a book you read to Anna and I many times when we were tiny, tucked beside you, we would hear the tale of four animal friends finding great treasure when they all work together.  The stories were amazing then, but now I value the time you took to read story books, advent books, and God's Word to your daughters. Thank you for leading us to love learning.

5. Green and Yellow. 

I've been an extremely opinionated tractor observer since I was able to speak- I'm certain.  The Reed family is a "big green tractor" family, and it was always fun spotting the naughty blue and red tractors in the fields and yelling out incredulously, "That naughty tractor!"  You're a loyal hard working Daddy, thank you for working long hours to provide for your family.  I appreciate the work that you do, and I know you do it with excellence! And, I truly like the fun-spirited brand loyalty we have for John Deere.  [Gigging to myself as I write about this one.]

6. Subs, Pitas, and ice cream {and many other food adventures}.

I know, the heading for this one is broad. But we have spent a lot of time together over food, so I thought it appropriate. :)  One very big thing that happened to me around the dinner table, was a conversation about the Gospel lead by my Daddy.  God used that conversation to reaffirm my trust in Christ alone for saving me, not in my "good girl deeds," or trusting in a prayer I may have not understood when I was three when God first drew me to Himself. Salvation in Christ alone.  What an awesome time of hearing from God's Word, and being prompted to respond in faith to the Gospel that day!

Thank you for taking me on dates, to eat yummy food, ask thoughtful questions, and to give me space to talk about my life with you.

P.S. Tonight's ice cream date was really fun. :)

7. "I Spy." 

It's been a family tradition for years, whenever anyone sees something that is incredible in nature (for us, it's usually a sunset in the backyard), we say "I spy!" and it reminds us to marvel and be thankful for that gift we see right in front of us.  You'd better try this one sometime, it's a lot of fun to spot things that are marked with beautiful design in creation!

I'm grateful for my Daddy, because he leads me to wonder at little things, and then turn that enjoyment of the created, toward the Creator through thanksgiving.

Man, once I get going it's so hard to stop-- I just want to keep adding to the list of thankful thoughts for today!  My hope for you, dear reader, is that through small things (like the memories of my Daddy on this page), God would increase your joy in Himself in big ways, and that He would be magnified through your own memories of His faithfulness to you.

Happy Father's Day Daddy! 

I'm delighted that I get to spend the day with you!

John Deere Tractor Exploring Circa Sept. 27, 2008

Not life-skilled. {For our Joy in Christ Remember}

This week I'm rediscovering that, in the words of an old teacher of mine, "I am not life-skilled."

I don't live life to the fullest when I act like the people with whom I live along side (in person or on social media) are my audience, as if I live on the set for a quaint movie that is out in real time.

Okay friend, I think this Thursday evening is a good time to remember something together.  Have a seat, I'm smiling, and there's also a twinkle in my eye as I lean over and tell you something that God can turn into a celebration of His grace and faithfulness--

"Don't worry, you're not alone. I certainly love to put on a show that appears like I have "it" all together, I try to hold myself to *my own standard* of what a good person looks like, acts like, and is. I speak words that only smooth out tension, keeping the face of peace, escape my lips. Instead of speaking the truth in love.  I let my little charges watch TV-- When I could stop writing and imagine a car town for 15 minutes with the tiny one. And, don't worry, I don't know what's for dinner most nights either. What I'm getting at is. . . *I'm messy too.*" 

What I need to hear at these times when the true me is exposed, and I ACTUALLY remember that which is always before me, but most often scuffed to the side, is that the Christian life is depending on Jesus, reveling in God's glorious grace toward us in Jesus, and glorifying God through enjoying Him forever. I'm trusting Him to fulfill His promises, that He is JOY, He is Redeemer, He is Rescuer, & He is stronger than messy storms in my heart. 


His love for his beloved bride the church, *in Christ* is never severed.

 
I'm trusting God rescued me for *eternal abundant life in His presence* through Jesus' blood shed in my place. And that He *is loving me* even in this moment, this hour, and this day--only by His grace working in me--there is sanctification taking place. 

No matter what happens in this day, oh dear friend and fellow heir in Christ, take new hope and a gain a new fervor in your ministry through these precious Words of God: 

"Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died--more than that, who was raised--who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? [No one. Not even me.] Shall tribulation or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?

 . . . 

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors *through him who LOVED us.*" Romans 8:33-35, 37 (Emphasis mine.)

God loved you. He loved you enough to rescue you from your own sin, and He's working in you today. No matter what today looks like.  I'm not life-skilled, but because God is opening my eyes to the grace that He has loved me to the point of complete forgiveness in Christ Jesus; God is changing my passions, desires, and actions for His own name's sake. And that is an incredible thing to celebrate!

Hang in there, keep it real, and keep trusting the God of true joy.

 

7 Things I am Coming to Appreciate About the Calling of Parenting

Recently, I have been happily able to observe, encourage and live life with my sister and her husband in their daily journey as parents of a 3 year old boy, and a 1 year old girl.  They are both precious and I love them to pieces, but they are not "easy" by any stretch of the imagination- for either of them.  I have seen them both sacrifice so much, and I really want to honor their commitment to their relationships with their children and them as parents-they are a great team (even though they might be a sleepless team for now).
From my up close perspective- day in and day out, for 3.5 months so far- with a young growing family of four, I have come to better understand a some things about the calling of parenting,  more specifically motherhood, on a level that demands my respect and appreciation for my parents, and for those who are fulfilling their calling to the best of their ability all around me.  Here are 7 things I have recently come to appreciate about parenting.

1. I will never ever think that being a stay-at-home-mom (or a mom at all!) is the "easy route." Not Ever.

They may get to wear yoga pants on the job, but have you considered all the emotional stamina, perseverance through sleep deprivation, and creativity one must have in order to walk in the calling well?  It's quite shocking to see what mommas go through in one 24 hour period, and still have the energy for as much as a smile at the end of the day. When is that again? Cause last I checked, the babies still wake up at 1 am and 3 am and 6:30 am... I know how to pray for you new mommas a whole lot better now! :)

2. A specific time of day that children can look forward to just playing with a parent is the highlight of a child's day. 

 Kids LOVE your undivided attention, and when a parent gives it to them, they really do value it.  It just makes sense.  From an outside perspective- I LOVE hearing all the giggles, music, and encouragement that goes on during these times!  It makes my heart happy.

Thank you mom and dad for taking time to go on walks and to the park with Anna and I often!  Those times of playing "tickle bear" on the playground, or learning how to cast on the knit stitch means more to me now than you know.

3. Teething lasts a REALLY LONG TIME.

At least to me it seems like it does- I'm talking months.  That means baby is crying and upset because her mouth is on fire, she is sore in places one never wishes to be, and is generally sad.  It's long, and they can't help it.  And how parents muster the endurance to keep on comforting and hugging the baby through their pain- is definitely a grace that is given in the moment of need. 

Thank you mom and dad for letting me chomp on your fingers, chew on the pages of your books, and listening to my girlgling vibration noises. :P And to you parents who are going through this right now-there is hope, it's only a few months, and it's so worth it.

4. Some days it is perfectly acceptable to simply "do" keeping everyone in the home alive. No shame.

I think I would have previously thought that this is a statement for the weaklings, but no, it's definitely a real thing that can and might really be necessary for the most competent parents.  Life is full of give and take, and some days just seem to "take" more out of you than you can give.  On those days I offer my congratulations- Good job parents. You made it til 7:45 p.m., you may now eat ice cream and sit on couches like real grown ups might do.  Remember there is always hope for a brighter (and less crazy) day tomorrow.

 5. So much emotional energy is necessary for parenting. 

Especially for the momma who stays at home with her small children (I say that position of parenting because that's the kind I've had the closest experience with for now.) Just because your kids are the "cutest kids in the world" doesn't mean that they are unable to bother, upset, annoy or pain you in very personal ways.

Thankfully God designed mommas to be able to endure-what's more laugh at AND enjoy- many of the antics of toddlers and babies.  Spitting all over? Hilarious because the babe has had her tongue out for the past 10 minutes straight.  Hanging on the cupboards?  Let me video this moment cause little man continues to yell out "Where is meee?" while he hangs there.

6. A thought on peas for dinner.

Seriously, its an act of sincere love if a parent gives a small child frozen or cooked peas at dinner time.  The peas are entirely too difficult to clean off the floor in my opinion.  Watching my sister dispatch peas to her children, and then seeing how the clean up process goes afterwards leads me to wonder if I'll ever have the bravery it takes to give children peas inside the house someday! (You pea-distributing parents must REALLY love your kids!) ;)

I'm not sure if my momma gave me peas, I'm sure she did. But meals in general are crazy messy, and I can better appreciate the cleanliness of a kitchen -where ever I am. Someone worked hard to put it in order that for sure.

7. It all comes down to self-sacrificing, all-enduring love.

In the past 3.5 month segment of life I have been privileged to observe an obscene amount of selfless love in parent-child relationships.  The gentle word, the soft "pat-pats" on the small back, the hours of reading, and the consistent and appropriate consequences that come to the wayward little man when needed.  I could go on and on about all of the ways that self-sacrificing love shows it's beautiful self in real-life parenting situations, but I really just want to let you linger on the meaning of this one in your life-whether you're a parent or not.

My fellow believers, we have tasted of the most self-sacrificing love God demonstrates- given through Jesus' death on the cross, burial, and resurrection.

"but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."Romans 5:8

We are called to love one another deeply.

"Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for each other, love one another deeply, from the heart."
1 Peter 1:22

How can you show that selfless love to the people in your daily life?  Parents by nature of the job become really good at this; and if you're not a parent, don't sweat it, there are so many venues to take this kind of love and let it play out for your joy, for the good of others, and for the glory and fame of God. 

It's not easy, but it's so worth every prayer, helping hand, and scrap of encouragement you can give.

A note to my Momma: 

Thank you for taking all of the complexities of child-rearing and loving me and my sisters right through those complexities.  I didn't realize how much of a daily love bearing motherhood is.  We children, often forget to thank you for your hope concern, and endless loads of dishes and laundry you've sacrificed your time to provide us with.  For this Mother's Day, I can appreciate just a little bit more about how much you gave in my youth.  You are always serving, normally funny, and ever a hard worker.  Thank you for leading by example. Thank you for pointing me to Jesus.

I love you Momma.
-Your Cally girl

More Like A Cloud At Sunset

Watching them as they take to the sky.
Those reflections of Light appear
Like clouds fresh, bursting forth-
and forward upward and onward
ever heightening and expanding their focused reflections of light.

That is for some. And its beautiful to behold.

Others are more uncomfortable to watch.
The pain of the growth burns them for agonizing moments-
and the wreckage is clear to the onlookers eye.
They glimmer for a moment and fade, 
the Light-
thought to be absolutely dissolved
this thought is only momentary.

To the others borne into the light
who feel slapped up there, still in the beginning stages
-it should be exciting-
and yet you feel really stuck under the pressures of
all the shapes you could take.
It aches somehow in the deep recesses of your existence
to know that you are struggling.

Even worse it seems,
when you need those who have seen the fog of you,
and they are the moving, growing, onward upward and expanding ones.
Their reflection of the Light is specific, faithful, and obvious.
While you seemingly just float.
You rest and you muse, and try spinning and waltzing the sky long,
you mull and you saturate you bask in the Light.
Hoping that it will reassure you of your chosen-ness,
your chosen-ness that you were made to reflect glory back to the True Light.

You stay in the wonder stage.
But it seems like nothing more than that.
Just wonder.

What about this beginning
makes it more completely terrifying than any other change?
This pondering of what shape to take to reflect His glorious Light.

Your deepest longing is for your reflection to be somehow unique and useful,
and to be a massive display of the deep love and grace of the Light.

You can feel a couple ideas to reflect tugging you to move more into the shape of them
yet, feel paralyzed by the knowledge of the possibility of one choice.
Each piece of knowledge adds a different voice to the cacophony vibrating through your being.
Each holds a thread of truth to its instruction,
Each a alluring option of reflecting.
You're torn down and looking rather flat do to knowledge of the opportunity of them all.

These are the ones who hold potential to shine and reflect Light.
If not afraid, then at the least, unwilling to relinquish their perceived control.

Will they break free from the overload of their ponderings?
will they embrace a possibly small opportunity for reflecting the Light?

For that is reality, and the Light is able to redeem our small shapes of reflection
into something with color, beauty, and wonder.

Just being

"Not a hint that she was devastated, 
nor even tempted for a moment to doubt that all is best. 
It is in fact, difficult to find anywhere in the writings of Amy Carmichael
anything akin to the poets admission, 'oft we doubt.'"
-Elisabeth Elliot

Any human ability to have faith in the goodness of God in the midst of a seemingly "crashing circumstance" is a total gift from God.  It is this realization that seeing the world and seeing my life and seeing God as good in so many ways is a gift. A grace that is completely unmerited, undeserved and it's one I could never earn-- no matter who I become, what I do with my life, whom I serve or where I am in the world...

Grace is a God-gifted way of seeing, a way of seeing that the believer's call to thanksgiving is truly an invitation to gain the perspective of trusting in Him who has given all.  He rescued, but the story of God and His redeemed does not end with a prayer to save from hell-flame.  No, God's salvation is in the daily living and recognizing moments as moments that are deemed good for you, a gift, a grace, from the "I AM" God. The God of every moment. 

It's in that practice of every-moment-remembering-trust-in-God, that I have found joy.  Joy? Yes, joy that only comes from God as only He can reveal in a life.  He revealed it specifically to me in the words of the Bible.  Though I struggle, loose my way, though I feel pain and loss, I have a New Hope each day that says that allows me to say: "yes, I hurt, yes, I don't understand," but this hope also reminds me that my God doesn't leave me there in the rawness of the shock, the emotion the hurt. No, I'm discovering His love in a whole new way, that rescues from everyday despair. He rescues me, and sets me high upon a Rock that is higher than I- that is His joy, a peace thay surpasses all understanding.

What I've found in this truth? I never want to leave. (I need daily reminders to NOT LEAVE!)  I never want to go back to the striving.  I want to be drawn into deeper understanding and loving my Abba with each passing day.

Because you know, this life? What is it but a training ground for eternity?  And Joy in this life: is the same as joy in eternity: God.  Oh my heart, I long for you dear sister, dear brother, to yes, dare I say it EXPERIENCE God every day. He is the Giver of all good gifts.  Turn away from the praising of the gift, and God is honored in our satisfaction in Him.   

Name the moments, name the good, name the hard, the ugly, and you may find yourself in the midst of an act of believing and trusting God is. That He is Creator of each day, and a day we can and ought to rejoice in!  He came to give abundant life and this is how to live it! In joy in praise and thankfulness, to Him no matter your current situation in life.

Why are you downcast oh my soul? Awake to the nearness and presence of GOD! Immanuel GOD WITH US. 

Practically what I have been learning is to keep a notebook handy, and just write my stream of consciousness in it, instead of spamming facebook, texts, and blogger with unruley thoughts that are frantic with the untainted unknown future.  Instead I'm learning to turn triggers to worry into means of trusting God with my likes, discomfort, hurts and happiness.

This and many more are the thoughts and lessons of the past few months.  Lessons that are deeply real.  When unbridled wild thoughts come stampeding through my brain I will stand by my God's grace alone (quite literally), His grace -a testimony of His goodness in the past- Eturnal life salvation in His hands and the promise of His presence in the future.

Oh for grace to trust Him more.

I will continue to be a student of these joy-lessons for the rest of eternity Lord willing. All of life all for His glory. This. is. life.

This is abundant life, counting the graces, and turning around and being the blessing to others. Not out of duty, or self-righteous "right thing to do," but because of the God-breathed-realization of His love for you in everyday moments.   Because what He says is true, it is more blessed to give than to receive. (Brain of mine, remember that.) This is where I want to live my next days, months and years.  In true joy/trust-driven-love-service of my Abba God. Show me how to love like you have loved me. I want to find meaning for my being, in just being His.  It is important to realize Who's you are, not WHO YOU are.  For you are bought with a price, therefore glorify God with your body.

"Spirit convince us of this truth, that all is well because we know God through the perfect work of Jesus Christ. Let that change the way we view our circumstances in this broken world."
-Pastor Mark of Redeemer Bible Church

And it’s then that working hard at our callings pleases God as we seek to glorify Him and enjoy Him forever by doing the good works that He has prepared in advance for us.

It is trusting God like Amy Carmichael, that the circumstances can be what they will, and still it is well with my soul because Romans 8:28 rings true.

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."